Satire: Republican & Democratic Paleontological Societies Keeping Old Swamp Creature Fossils On Display

Despite Calls To Display Newly Discovered Swamp Creatures Democrats & Republicans Still Keep Showing The Same Old Fossils

Sunday, June 30, 2024, 7:00 A.M. ET. 2 Minute Read, By Ryan Metz: Englebrook Independent News,

WASHINGTON, DC.- This week both Republican and Democratic Paleontological societies faced calls to end their display of old fossils, and instead present newly discovered swamp creatures for public viewing.

     Members of both societies have been asking for this change for over a year, with strengthened and renewed calls since their latest public display was widely panned by all as embarrassing and a waste of time.

     These old fossils have been on display for decades, generating massive amounts of funding for both societies over the years. However, public opinion has been steadily turning with most paleontological enthusiasts growing bored, tired, and in some cases even depressed that these fossils are still being displayed after all these years. Said one paleontologist, "It's crazy to me that no matter how many times we ask to see something new, they just bring out these same old fossils with a slightly different display background. They once were exciting, but now they're little more than just an old pile of bones. We really need to see something new here."

      Discoveries of other swamp creatures from more recent epochs have long been rumored, but little evidence has been released to the public. With the latest displays of these societies widely perceived to be abject failures, the newer swamp creatures are generating curiosity and renewed calls for change.

      Both societies as a result have been seeing huge decreases in their membership numbers with existing members leaving, and potential new members refusing to sign up. When asked about this both societies had a similar message. 

      According to the outreach director of the Democratic Society, "Look, our societies are the only game in town, and we keep it that way on purpose. Sooner or later, everyone has to come back to us. We will not be making any changes any time soon."

FILED UNDER: JUNE 30, 2024: WASHINGTON< NATIONAL, LOCAL, POLITICS, ELECTION 2024: